vacation

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We arrived in Fire Island, NY over the weekend. This is our fourth year bringing the kids to the beach house that David’s father bought in the 1950’s. We’ll be here for two weeks: the first week on our own and the second week with David’s brother and his family.

I’m so happy to be here, but I haven’t really been able to relax into the vacation yet. I’m feeling hypersensitive to the kids’ moods; I’m worried about what I’m not accomplishing; I want to establish schedules and generally feel a greater sense of control (over what, exactly, I’m not quite sure). I am struggling to remain present. I wish I had a big “LET GO” button. Since I don’t, I’m going to dive into a book or take a bike ride with my son.

Speaking of books and bikes, my friend, Maile, wrote a wonderful essay called Reading and its Rewards, which was published in the NY Times over the weekend.

Update 6:30pm EST: Feeling much better/more present. David took the kids to get ice creams cones during a sudden, brief thunderstorm this afternoon. I took my umbrella and a towel and sat on the beach while the rain poured and I cried. By the time the sun came out, my internal world was much sunnier as well.

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