stuck

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I am feeling inspiration-less lately when it comes to what to write in this blog. Usually I find there is something bouncing around in my mind that wants to be expressed, but over the last couple of weeks that hasn’t been the case. I have heard Breck say that there is no writer’s block, only resistance. If that’s true, then I wonder what I’m resisting.

If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that I am resisting my fear about the change in my schedule taking place in 2.5 weeks. That change will create a ripple effect of many other changes — some of which I can anticipate, some of which I cannot. I don’t really feel scared at the moment, but when I went to therapy yesterday and we talked about this, I started to get pretty emotional and to feel kind of panicky.

I’m transferring the burden of our family’s financial well-being into David’s hands. I know he is capable, but taking it out of my hands is terrifying. If I let go of those reins, then I feel that something disastrous could happen. On the flip side, if I don’t let go of those reins and insist on maintaining control, then I kill off so much of the new, exciting, risk-taking, intuitive parts of me that are starting to emerge. When I put it that way, it gives me some peace because not making this change would be no less risky to me and my well-being than moving forward with the change.

My thoughts for my day are: Have faith (in me, in David, in the universe). Live moment-by-moment. Let the fear get to the surface and then breathe through it.

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