moody

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I am most definitely experiencing the emotional and physical effects of heading into a major life change (3 more days of full-time). I had a headache and was moody for most of the day yesterday. I told myself that I had no idea why I was feeling that way, but as soon as David suggested that I might be avoiding my feelings about going part-time, I started choking on my words and burst into tears.

I am learning that when I have a generalized moodiness (as opposed to being upset by a specific incident), it is often that I am resisting experiencing fear, anger, helplessness, etc.  The moodiness is just an affect that “protects” me from the “pain” of those feelings.  It is helpful to become aware of this phenomenon on an intellectual level, but my ability to actually move through the affect to get to the underlying sensation or emotion is something that requires the support of, and communication with, my husband, a friend or my therapist.  When I don’t have that outside perspective, I am unable to see beyond my own crabby version of reality.

[Incidentally, it’s not lost on me that after briefly describing my emotional outburst, I just went on to a very intellectual analysis of the phenomenon. Going straight to analysis of an emotional or physical experience is another way I avoid experiencing it.]

I’m sure I could trump up some segue to justify sharing the following photos from our trip to Big Sur, but the truth is that I just want to post them:

 

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