Monthly Archives: March 2012

fort

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Spring break . . . I know I was worried, but so far so good!  I haven’t gone to the office at all this week and it feels very strange that I don’t have to be anywhere first thing in the morning. In fact, I feel distinctly like June Cleaver as I kiss David good-bye after breakfast and he heads to the office. more…

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facebook

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I have been writing this blog since June of 2011. I started it because I was heading into a major transition and I wanted to have a way to process and share that experience. In addition (and probably more importantly), I wanted to have a platform where I could work on my ability to communicate authentically without trying to edit out the places where I feel vulnerable (weak, weird, desperate . . . I could go on). more…

raw

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I am big ball of fear this morning. I think it’s the “can I get everything done?” variety, but I could be wrong. What I know is that instead of being reactive and starting to clean the house, or pick a fight with David, or start ordering the kids around, I’m trying to just feel it . . . but this is not easy because it feels like it might swallow me up whole. more…

grounded

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After feeling ambivalent for quite some time, I have finally decided to retire from the flying trapeze. more…

brene

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If you’ve seen Brene Brown’s 2010 TEDxHouston talk about Vulnerability, then you’ll probably be as excited as I was to see her 2012 TED talk about Shame.

If you haven’t seen Brene Brown’s 2010 TEDxHouston talk about Vulnerability, then here’s your chance. . . I mean, do it now . . . what are you waiting for!?!?!?!

scared

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Yesterday, David and I had our annual face-to-face meeting with our financial advisor. The meeting followed its normal format – we bring him up to date on our income and expenses and he talks to us about our investments, etc. Nonetheless, I have had a pit in my stomach ever since. more…

extremities

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I saw Catalina this morning (it’s self-care Wednesday!). I was planning to talk about my fear at trapeze, but we got sidetracked by a conversation about how my body reacts when my kids fight (which they seem to be doing a LOT lately). Overall, I think I have a pretty good perspective about their sibling spats (i.e., they are a necessary and even important part of my kids’ growth — learning how to interact with others, how to deal with conflict, etc.) But when the sparks really start flying, I can feel my solar plexus start to batten down the hatches and go into crisis mode.

Now that I am much more present in my body, I notice that when I’m under stress or threat (because they kids are fighting or because I’m worried about a work deadline or because I think I have disappointed someone), I can feel all the energy in my body get sucked into my abdomen. It’s as thought the air raid siren has sounded and every neuron is running for the bomb shelter. Because I have successfully been able to release the chronic tightness I used to feel in my chest and solar plexus, I am able to calm myself within a relatively short period of time once I’m past the “crisis.” But I’m really interested now in actually getting ahead of the phenomenon.

I’m really going to focus on staying present in my body over the next few days when the kids go at it. It will likely feel a bit scary or unsettling to keep my extremities fully-energized (like I am leaving myself exposed to a metaphorical punch in the gut), but I suspect it will ultimately allow me to set smarter and firmer boundaries.

Stay tuned.