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Yesterday, David and I had our annual face-to-face meeting with our financial advisor. The meeting followed its normal format – we bring him up to date on our income and expenses and he talks to us about our investments, etc. Nonetheless, I have had a pit in my stomach ever since.

Several years ago, I decided to leave the oversight of our finances to David, because he is more rational around money than I am. This has worked out extremely well. We discuss all of our financial decisions, but I look to him as the barometer for whether something is within our budget or not. Since I reduced my salary last September, I haven’t had any major money panics.

But yesterday, we passed around the bank statements and talked about our savings “burn rate.” My faith that everything will work out was really challenged by seeing all those numbers in black and white. Now don’t get me wrong. Those numbers don’t look bad. We saved up in order to take this leap without having David’s career path all figured out. But . . our savings won’t last forever. And I really don’t want to go back to a full (or even fuller)-time law practice.

Truthfully, I don’t know if anything less than “forever” kind of money would ever really prevent me from feeling scared . . . and even then I am certain I would find ways to worry.

So I think the bottom line is that I’m just feeling scared. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It just means I’m in new territory — learning to live without some of the illusions of security I used to have in place.

Sounds like exactly where I should be, right?


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