I have been writing this blog since June of 2011. I started it because I was heading into a major transition and I wanted to have a way to process and share that experience. In addition (and probably more importantly), I wanted to have a platform where I could work on my ability to communicate authentically without trying to edit out the places where I feel vulnerable (weak, weird, desperate . . . I could go on).
So why am I telling you this? Because a couple of friends who follow my blog have encouraged me to take advantage of various social media platforms to share my blog with a wider audience (currently, my readership consists of my aunt, my brother-in-law, David and the handful friends to whom I have been brave enough to actually mention that I’m writing it). And for many months now, I have been saying that I’m going to post my blog entries on Facebook . . . and I haven’t done it.
I’m not generally a procrastinator, so what gives? I’ve been telling myself it’s because I have an ambivalent relationship with social media. I have a Facebook account that I check religiously once every 8 weeks. I have checked Twitter occasionally when I needed to send a cease and desist letter on behalf of a client who was being impersonated. And I find Pinterest’s onslaught of visual stimuli completely chaotic and overwhelming. So it’s true, I’m not a comfortable or savvy consumer of social media. But that is not why I have avoided posting my blog on Facebook.
Can you guess why I haven’t posted it? Yes. Exactly. I’m scared.
I’m scared that I will post my blog on Facebook and no one will read it. I’m scared that I will post my blog and people will read it. I’m scared that if I go wider with my blog, I will run out of ideas to write about. I’m scared that I will disappoint people if I don’t write often enough. I’m scared that I will annoy people if I write too often. I’m scared that if more people read my blog, I will find it more difficult to shared the more intimate details of my thoughts and emotions that are the very reason I started this blog in the first place. I’m scared that people will discover just how very scared I am most of the time.
And yet . . . this post is the first one I’m going to post on Facebook (once David shows me how to do that, of course). The next step will be Twitter . . . I guess . . . but once step at a time please!