fort

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Spring break . . . I know I was worried, but so far so good!  I haven’t gone to the office at all this week and it feels very strange that I don’t have to be anywhere first thing in the morning. In fact, I feel distinctly like June Cleaver as I kiss David good-bye after breakfast and he heads to the office.

I confess that I have missed a couple of scheduled work calls in the last few days (mostly because I have had no other reason to be watching the clock), but otherwise, I have been responsive to my partners and clients as needed.

I won’t claim that I am totally at ease. I still have the voice in there asking me (several hundred times a day) if I happen to be optimizing how I am spending my time at that particular moment. But the voice is more or less background noise. I’m not exactly suppressing it, but I’m also not giving it much attention.

I’m exploring the feeling that it’s OK to be hanging out with the kids when there is work to be done AND it’s OK to be doing work when my kids are available to hang out with me. Optimizing, Schmoptimizing.

In and among all these complex feelings and deep internal experiences, I’ve also been having a lot of fun with the kids . . . swimming, high tea at the Peninsula (just the girls – super fun), epic battles playing Trouble and Disney Trivial Pursuit, a few episodes of “Bewitched,” assembling a LEGO Diagon Alley and various spontaneous (and usually messy) projects (as if to illustrate my point, as I write this, I am being imprisoned at my desk by a massive pillow fort).

I am so lucky. To quote Billy Joel “These are the days to hold on to, ’cause we won’t although we’ll want to.” (Ok. Ok. I know it’s corny to start quoting song lyrics, but it just felt so appropriate).

Now to extricate myself from this pillow fort . . .Not kidding . . . It’s going to be tricky.

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5 responses »

  1. krista cabrera

    I so hear you! On my “days off” I try to cram in so many “relaxing” and “fun” activities that much of the time I end up busier and more stressed out than on the days I work. It’s really hard to learn to just be in the moment with our kids and be ok with that when every other moment is planned and supposedly “productive.” I find that by about Sunday night (after three days straight being mom) I start getting my groove and starting to really enjoy spontaneous, fun, silly moments … right about the time I need to go back to work!

    Reply
    • Thanks Krista! I was just telling my husband about our days going TP’ing in Hillcrest and singing “Let’s get physical!” Who could have imagined that 30 years later we’d be bonding over our work/life balance as mothers and lawyers!

      Reply
  2. krista cabrera

    I know right? Life is crazy. One of my fondest (and very hazy, I’ll admit) childhood memories is of us exchanging manilla envelopes full of surprises like trinkets and notes. Do you remember that? I believe you did it first, as you were much more creative than me, and then we traded back and forth for a while. Just a random, sweet memory. I also remember lots of very fun sleepovers at your house. 🙂

    Reply
    • Yes! I totally remember that. I also remember feeling very lucky to have you as a friend (which is what prompted the first manila envelope). Thank you for the reminder. I feel like I’ve lost touch with that spontaneous, creative energy over the years (i guess that happens to everyone to some extent) and it’s nice to be reminded that it is part of me.

      Reply
  3. It is totally in you! Very much so. Keep writing, so great to catch up via blog!

    Reply

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