I was, of course, nervous about sending my blog out to a wider audience. I have had a few moments of minor panic over the last few days — moments where I realized that I had opened up my innermost thoughts and feelings to hundreds of people.
What will people think who don’t know me well? Will they think I’m a wacky self-help junkie (ick, that sentence made me cringe just writing it)? I know that, to some, the fact that I work on myself to such a degree (i.e., therapy, coaching, bodywork, etc.) will be seen as weak or weird or I don’t know what else. But constantly working on my own evolution is the only way I know how to live. I transform (I’m a Transformer! ha). It’s my essence. So I guess it doesn’t really matter who knows it. It’s not going away.
In addition to my vulnerability hangover (thank you Brene Brown!), I have also been wonderfully surprised by the number of warm, enthusiastic and extremely supportive responses I have received from unexpected corners of my life. My community just expanded. I have always heard that Facebook does that for people — makes them feel connected to a broader community. But I never felt that until now.
In fact, Facebook has always left me feeling sort of empty. I’m someone who likes to get under the surface with people (often more quickly than they are prepared to delve). I want to know what you’re thinking and feeling and why. A good percentage of my Facebook friends are work acquaintances or people I haven’t seen in many years, and yet I can click on their Facebook page and peer into their daily life. For a moment, I feel as though I’m close to that person, like I could ask them how it’s going raising their toddlers, how they’ve been doing since their mom passed away, what made them leave their old job. But that feeling of closeness is illusory and my brief visit to their world ends up feeling shallow and cheap.
I wonder if this new blogging experiment will change my relationship with Facebook. If what I’m sending out is intimate, will I will receive intimacy in return?