One of the big things I’m working on right now is being able to stand for myself. To be able to share my thoughts and feelings openly — even when they may differ from the thoughts and feelings of those around me. I have seen improvement over the last few months, but there are still numerous times where I can feel myself shutting down or backing away from saying something that might come into conflict with someone else’s plan or point of view. I get robotic, my brain gets foggy and I hear things coming out of my mouth that I don’t mean and that I didn’t plan to say.
A little while back, Brene Brown blogged about a book called “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner so I ran out and bought it (It’s really good, but I’ve also been making my way through all 5 books of the “Game of Thrones” series, so it is taking me a while to get through it). In any event, I picked it up today to read a chapter and came across a quote that described exactly what happens to me in these moments.
Speaking of women in particular, the author says “Feeling fuzzy-headed, inarticulate, and not so smart are common reactions experienced by women as we struggle to take a stand on our own behalf. . . [W]e avoid asking precise questions and making clear statements when we unconsciously suspect that doing so would expose our differences, make the other person feel uncomfortable and leave us standing alone.”
Exactly. That’s it! I guess I’m not alone in this.